Zelensky vows to read ‘Art Of The Deal’ before next White House visit
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky announced Tuesday that he plans to read Donald Trump’s 1987 business manifesto, The Art of the...
Robert L. Peters, Jr.
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Chuck Schumer celebrates Black History Month by devouring rack of ribs and whole watermelon at press conference
WASHINGTON, DC—In an act of cultural appreciation—or perhaps a severe misinterpretation of cultural sensitivity—Chuck Schumer held a press conference to...
Gaza goat population explodes as Trump ends condom giveaway
Gaza City - In a surprising turn of events, Gaza's goat population is set to undergo a significant boom, following...
BREAKING: Christine Blasey-Ford reveals Kash Patel & Tulsi Gabbard raped her in 7th grade
CALIFORNIA—In a startling new development, Christine Blasey-Ford, who previously testified during the contentious 2018 Supreme Court confirmation hearings of Brett...
BREAKING: Biden pardons several ‘totally innocent’ people for crimes they didn’t commit
In a surprising last-minute decision, President Joe Biden has issued preemptive pardons for several individuals he describes as "totally innocent"...
BREAKING: Many ‘totally innocent’ people begging for presidential pardons for the crimes they didn’t commit
WASHINGTON, DC—A parade of individuals, who swear on their mother's honor they've committed no crimes, are now clamoring for presidential...
Biden recalls Kwanzaa memories growing up in Scranton, PA
WASHINGTON, DC—In a heartwarming trip down memory lane, President* Joe Biden regaled the audience at the White House Kwanzaa celebration...
Crenshaw dyes hair purple to win back ‘Most Revolting Person In DC’ title
WASHINGTON, DC—In the heart of the nation's capital, a title has been passed from one lawmaker to another in a...
BREAKING: WNBA’s Caitlin Clark to play in blackface to compensate for her white privilege
In an unprecedented move, the Women's National Basketball Association (WNBA) has announced a new policy aimed at addressing racial inequality...
Mystery Solved: Drones Only Orbiting Chris Christie They Mistook For Home Planet
TRENTON, NJ—In a revelation that has both amused and baffled New Jersey residents, government officials have finally cracked the case...
