Conor McGregor launches snake removal service in Ireland
DUBLIN—In a move that left the Irish countryside both bewildered and entertained, MMA legend Connor McGregor has expanded his repertoire...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Subway hires Megan Rapinoe as Sandwich Artist after retiring from soccer
In an unexpected turn of events, soccer sensation Megan Rapinoe has found a new calling after what some are calling...
BREAKING: Palestinians promise that 10% of the released hostages will go to the ‘Big Guy’
In a perplexing twist of international diplomacy, Palestinian leaders have assured President Joe Biden that, as part of their gratitude...
Notre Dame changes mascot to Fighting Right-Wing Extremists following Dublin riots
SOUTH BEND, IN—In an unexpected turn of events that left the university community bewildered and perhaps a tad nervous, University...
BREAKING: FBI arrest person of interest in Rainbow Bridge terrorist attack
NIAGRA FALLS—In a plot that sounds like a rejected script for an action movie, the FBI has shocked the nation...
Biden: ‘Thanksgiving is cheaper this year thanks to our depopulation agenda’
In a surprising twist of holiday cheer, President Joe Biden has declared that Thanksgiving dinners are more affordable this year,...
On Trans Day of Remembrance Biden honors all the trans activists who fought in the Revolutionary war
In a groundbreaking move to recognize the often overlooked contributions of transgender individuals throughout history, President Joe Biden marked Trans...
Millions of Americans excited to host ‘mostly peaceful’ protests on Thanksgiving
SACRAMENTO—Following bans on gatherings for Thanksgiving in states across the country including California and New York, millions of Americans have...
With Ukraine funding drying up, Biden picks up side job as the struggling guy in infomercials
WASHINGTON, DC—With the prospect of Ukrainian money laundering funds drying up, President* Joe Biden has taken up a side gig...
BREAKING: Millions of people mourn the news that George Soros has not died at the age of 93
US—Millions are mourning the news today that George Soros has not died at the age of 93. In a shocking...
