First biological cheetah who identifies as a man set to take gold for Lichtenstein at the Paris Olympics
LICHTENSTEIN—The citizens of this small alpine country in the middle of Europe are abuzz as they are set to take...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Thomas Matthew Crooks headlines ‘White Dudes for Harris’ Zoom call from his room in Hell
US—Thomas Matthew Crooks, the man accused of attempting to assassinate former President Donald Trump, has found an unlikely second career...
BREAKING: 100,000 brave ‘Cucks for Kamala’ donate their testicles to the Harris campaign
US—Not to be outdone by the Karens for Kamala, 100,000 self-proclaimed "Cucks for Kamala" (also known as the "White Dudes...
KAMALA HARRIS: ‘We must cancel the 2024 presidential election in order to save democracy!’
WASHINGTON, DC—Vice President Kamala Harris has made a bold declaration: "We must cancel the 2024 presidential election in order to...
BREAKING: Paris Olympics Adds ‘Dodging Fire and Brimstone’ Event Following Blasphemous Opening Ceremonies
PARIS—In an unexpected twist, the 2024 Paris Olympics Committee has announced the addition of a new event: "Dodging Fire and...
REPORT: Kamala Harris sacrificed two babies to Moloch to get Barack Obama’s endorsement
WASHINGTON, DC— In an unprecedented and shocking move, Vice President Kamala Harris has reportedly sacrificed two babies to the ancient...
MSDNC Poll: 5 out of 4 Americans Prefer Kamala Harris Over Donald Trump for President
NEW YORK— In a shocking and totally statistically sound survey, MSDNC has released a new poll revealing that 5 out...
BREAKING: Scientists warn that Earth could run out of conspiracy theories by 2025 if they keep coming true at the current rate
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND— In an unprecedented press conference held at the World Institute of Theoretical Absurdities, leading scientists issued a dire...
BREAKING: Insurrection is okay again
WASHINGTON, DC—The once-reviled act of undermining democratic institutions, has been given a stunning facelift. It appears that insurrection, historically frowned...
BREAKING: White smoke billowing from White House signifies that the Deep State has selected a new puppet to head the government
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a scene reminiscent of the Vatican conclave, white smoke billowed from the chimneys of the White...
