BREAKING: Maine Secretary of State saves democracy by making sure people can’t vote for their favorite candidate in 2024
AUGUSTA, ME—In a bold move to save democracy, Maine Secretary of State Shenna Bellows has unveiled a revolutionary plan to...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Colorado Supreme Court defends democracy by making sure people can only vote for Biden in 2024
DENVER—To achieve this noble goal, they've implemented a groundbreaking measure: allowing voters to cast their ballots for only one candidate....
Chicago Mayor to Texas Gov: ‘How dare you send illegals to my city that openly welcomes them!’
CHICAGO—Mayor Brandon Johnson has issued a stern rebuke to Texas Governor Greg Abbott for sending "dirty immigrants" to his city,...
Biden wishes millions of Americans a ‘season of illness and death’ in his annual holiday card
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden and his wife, Doctor* Jill Biden want to wish every unvaccinated American a "wonderful, cheery and...
Pope Francis says priests can bless Sodom & Gomorrah
In a stunning display of divine inclusivity, Pope Francis, the head of the Catholic Church, has announced a groundbreaking expansion...
BREAKING: Joe Biden denies crazy conspiracy theory that Hunter Biden is his son
US—The New York Times have finally admitted that the Hunter Biden laptop story is true and that there is massive...
Harvard changes definition of plagiarism to: ‘work stolen by someone besides our first black president’
HARVARD, MA—In a stunning and brave move that has left academics and students alike scratching their heads, Harvard University has...
BREAKING: DOJ Indicts Hunter Biden for not giving any of his millions in bribes to the government
WASHINGTON, DC—In a peculiar legal maneuver that has raised eyebrows across the nation, the Department of Justice (DOJ) has chosen...
This Day in Fiery but Mostly-Peaceful History: Japan Bombs Pearl Harbor
(CNN) Japan launched a fiery but mostly peaceful attack on the United States at the Hawaiian naval base Pearl Harbor...
Ivy League Presidents correct lawmakers: ‘It’s not genocide, it’s *democratic genocide’
In a stunning display of intellectual prowess, Ivy League presidents Liz Magill, Sally Kornbluth, and Claudine Gay have come forward...
