Biden accidentally brings wooden paddle to knife fight

The first 2020 Presidential debate is Tuesday, September 29 at 9, Eastern and the ‘guys’ just can’t wait.

President Trump has secretly been doing U.S. Army Ranger training at night in the Rose Garden. Trump said, “I’ll start with a little cardio and recite Covid statistics. Then run a couple miles while Mike Pence reminds me how great the economy is. After a shower, Sgt. Clouseau from the 82nd Ranger Battalion surprise attacks me and tries to get me to spill the beans my taxes or, you know, what Putin is really like.

The Biden camp says, “Joe is ready to go. He should be able to stand for a while and we have stockpiled the Depends. To sharpen the savage intellect he is known for, he had been playing Stratego with his granddaughter, Maise.” The ex VP was quoted as saying, “I’m am going to take Trump out back under the football stands and show him some manners. I can do 700 push-ups and 80 thousand hundred sit-ups.”

Here is what to expect. Fox News anchor, Chris Wallace will moderate. He will asked questions concerning relevant issues for Americans. Joe Biden will have eight minutes to remind us that Obama was really kool and they were pals. Trump will remind us about his good deals, his great deals and his big deal for his second term.

Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi has submitted an emergency bill that would turn the debates into a series of Pinewood Derby races and celebrity cook-offs but most of the Dems are in Portland for the Burning Man festival and would not be available for a vote.