WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden has deployed two All Terrain Armored Transport (AT-AT) vehicles to the White House to defend against “rebel scum”.
The deployment comes after a year of increased security measures at the presidential residence following the seizing of power through the “most secure election ever”.
Admiral Firmus Piett explained that the AT-ATs contain two Light Turbolaser cannons on the side of cockpit can incinerate up to 700 rebels in a minute.
Biden, who would like to be called Darth Biden from now on, said that the the AT-ATs are necessary to defend the White House from citizens “who will be furious when they learn what’s really going on.”
There will also be several AT-ATs stationed at the US Capitol, site of the War of January 6th, and at Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s apartment to fend off all the Republicans who want to date her.
“We need these AT-ATs in and around DC to make it look like the administration is legitimate and it’s totally working,” White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki said. “But I will circle back with you on the details once you’re arrested for having questioned this administration.”