On first day, new Biden Press Secretary answers ‘Because I’m a black lesbian’ to every question
WASHINGTON, DC—In response to every question about the economy to the war in Ukraine, the new White House Press Secretary...
Jen Psaki
Biden promises to fix baby formula shortage by sending more weapons to Ukraine
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden addressed the "shocking" baby formula shortage in the US by sending more weapons to Ukraine. "Really...
Psaki says parents who can’t find baby formula ‘should have just had an abortion’
WASHINGTON, DC—Outgoing White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki said that parents who are having trouble finding baby formula amid a...
White House selects Baghdad Bob to replace Jen Psaki as press secretary
WASHINGTON, DC—The White House has hired austere press relations master Baghdad Bob to replace outgoing Press Secretary Jen Psaki. President* Joe...
Jen Psaki leaves bat-sh*t crazy White House to join just moderately psychotic MSNBC
WASHINGTON, DC—Jen Psaki says she will seek ‘a boatload of R&R and lots of drugs.” to re-acclimate into a normal...
Democrats promise to fix all the nation’s problems by killing more babies
WASHINGTON, DC—In the face of crashing stock markets and skyrocketing inflation, Democrats have promised to kill more babies, outgoing White...
Biden crowns Nina Jankowicz the 2022 ‘Miss Information’
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden has crowned Nina Jankowicz the 2022 Miss Information, displacing last year's winner, Jen "Ball" Psaki. Jankowicz is...
BREAKING: People who think men can get pregnant are worried Elon Musk will allow misinformation on Twitter
US—People who think men can get pregnant are worried that Elon Musk will allow misinformation on Twitter, sources say. "We're...
White House: Biden’s hands identify as separate personality dubbed ‘Handsy’
WASHINGTON, DC—Psychologists say, after years of repression, it looks like President Biden has developed split personality disorder. A representative from...
BREAKING: Elon Musk invades Twitter; workers barricade themselves on 8th floor, plead for Biden to declare ‘no buy’ zone
SAN FRANCISCO—Twitter employees at the Market St. headquarters stacked furniture, shelving and anything they could find against office doors, determined...
