WASHINGTON, DC—Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Mark Milley set up a game of Risk in the Oval Office, to help President Biden get a grip on who was where and what they were doing in the Ukrainian – Russian conflict.
“It’s just so much easier when the sides are represented in bright primary colors. Once we explain a certain strategy, we immediately reference the Risk board and present him with a simple A or B choice. That is always our best shot of knowing he might understand the situation as his memory is about 20 yards short of a touchdown.
“Also, his constantly changing the DEFCON levels, taking frequent trips to the bathroom and playing with that damn cat, Willow make the strategy meetings last longer than the battles now going on over there, so we are having a huge ‘fog of war’ problem if you know what I mean.”
The White House press secretary, Jen Psaki contradicted the Chairman saying, “The game is just one of many gifts we are considering in sending to the next ‘defensive weapons’ packages the Ukrainian troops have requested. They are already running short on American cigarettes and coupons for Cat-fil-A breakfast nuggets.”
At the time of publication, Biden still hasn’t been able to locate Ukraine on the board but General Milley has assured him, “It’s okay. No one knows where that actual country is either.”