Washington D.C. – “There’s good walls and there’s bad walls.” President Joe Biden announced last night at a fund raiser at Oprah Winfrey’s D.C. mansion.

“The number one threat Americans face is from evil domestic terrorists or as I like to call them, American’ts. If they are allowed to roam freely in our precious cities, to infiltrate our neighborhoods, to influence our children it will mean the end of our democracy. I have instructed the DHS to move any existing walls to the new locations and to complete the protection of the good Americans under my ‘Build Back Bitches’ program.”

Presidential spokesperson, Jen Psaki reiterated the position. “This administration is working tirelessly to end divisiveness and to promote inclusiveness by providing safeness with goodness. Those terrorists believe in not killing babies and useless old people and being responsible and having parents and lots of stupid s** like that. C’mon, whose the adult in that room?”

The administration’s biggest complaint with the American’ts is that they “just won’t share their stuff and they have guns to protect it”.

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Gumpers

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