Brave activists exterminate last ‘problematic’ white rhinos

KENYA—The northern white rhinoceros became the latest victim of woke cancel culture when brave American activists killed the last two of their racist kind.

“Their whiteness was problematic and oppressing rhinos of color,” said Karen Johnson. “By dismantling white rhinos, the savanna is a more tolerant and diverse place.”

The last two northern white rhinoceroses, named Najin and Fatu, were killed last Friday night while minding their own business and eating grass. Wearing all-black camouflage, the activists hunted using Molotov cocktails while chanting “Black Rhinos Matter!” Other members of the poaching team stole food from separate enclosures not involved with the white rhinoceros.

The group plans to continue their anti-white rhino crusade by destroying all artwork and literature featuring the now-extinct rhinoceros.

The next target is the Javan rhinoceros, whose population is currently less than 100. Native to Indonesia, the poachers declared the need to cancel the Javan rhino for being white rhinoceros-adjacent.

The expedition was proudly sponsored by Coca-Cola for making the world “less white.”