BREAKING: Biden finally gives RFK Jr. Secret Service security detail

In a move that has left many scratching their heads and others simply chuckling, President Joe Biden has granted Secret Service security to Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the environmental activist and vaccine critic. However, there’s a twist – the Secret Service agent assigned to protect him is none other than Paul Blart, the iconic mall cop.

The decision to provide security to RFK Jr. comes amid concerns for his safety due to his controversial views on vaccines and his outspoken criticism of pharmaceutical companies. To address these concerns, President Biden assured the public that RFK Jr. would receive the highest level of protection available.

But instead of assigning an elite Secret Service agent, Biden apparently turned to a beloved movie character, Paul Blart, as the ideal protector. Blart, known for his comedic misadventures as a mall security guard, is now tasked with safeguarding one of the most polarizing figures in the vaccine debate.

During a press conference, President Biden defended the decision, saying, “We wanted to provide Mr. Kennedy with the best protection available. And who better than Paul Blart? He’s demonstrated exceptional dedication and resourcefulness in protecting malls from shoplifters and Segway-riding criminals.”

Paul Blart, known for his proficiency with a Segway and a sharp sense of humor, has already begun his new role as RFK Jr.’s personal security detail. However, some critics argue that his selection raises questions about the seriousness of the protection effort.

“This feels like something out of a comedy movie,” remarked one political commentator. “I mean, I know we’ve had some bizarre developments in politics recently, but Paul Blart as a Secret Service agent? It’s almost too surreal.”

RFK Jr. seemed unfazed by the unorthodox choice. “Paul is a dedicated professional,” he commented. “He may not be your typical Secret Service agent, but I have faith in his ability to keep me safe, whether it’s from vaccine debates or the occasional rogue Segway.”

The decision to assign Paul Blart to protect RFK Jr. has certainly injected a dose of humor into an otherwise serious matter. It remains to be seen whether this unlikely duo will become a symbol of unity or just another comedic footnote in American politics.