US—Following a mass shooting in Uvalde, TX Monday, President* Biden has decided to take unprecedented measures to protect the country and has outlawed shooting people at schools in the US via executive order.

“There are easy things we can do to stop the violence that is plaguing this country and I’m going to do them. As of today, the entire nation of America is a shooting-free zone,” Biden said.

Citizens around the world are applauding the move as brilliant and innovative.

“This is probably the smartest person we’ve ever had in the White House,” Jerry Jabba of San Antonio said.

Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) praised the move.

“I wish I would’ve thought of it myself,” Ocasio-Cortez said.

Now that that problem is solved, Biden is getting back to more important things like eliminating gender, according to the White House.

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