BREAKING: France to deploy troops to Caribbean islands of Ukraine in the ‘Speed Bump’ formation

PARIS—French President Emmanuel Macron announced the deployment of a few companies of French troops into the Ukraine conflict. Taken from the elite ‘Speed Bump Dragoons’, they have been instructed to hold a ‘flanking’ position on the American left and will occupy the islands of St. Barts and Martinique in the Caribbean.

NATO has lowered the unit’s classification from ‘Reserve’ to ‘Typically French’ and will rush them into any defensive retreat maneuver like if Russia tries to reinforce Cuba, again.

Russian President Putin said: “I like Macron, he throws the best parties and when I’m in Paris, I always call ahead so he gets the good stuff from the wine cellar. Biden could learn a thing or two about hosting. Is he dead yet? How can you tell? I thought Kamala was taking over on February 2, like the Mayan calendar prophesied.”

French Gendarme, Capitan, Franqouise Bonaperk who commands the troops said they have the ability to defend a position like a bridge for up to 2 hours which is twice as long as the Americans in the movie Saving Private Ryan did… unless of course if the Russians also have tanks in which case they have the standing record for retreating among NATO ground troops. He also reiterated that Spielberg was one of his favorite directors but put Ethan Coen at the very top.

French President Macron stated that he is considering sending troops to help out in Canada as ’18 wheelers’ probably aren’t nearly as dangerous as tanks however, protecting Ottawa, which has a very large French population isn’t as strategically important as Kyiv, the capital of the Ukraine, which supplies a large percentage of Paris whores.

close

"Excuse me, has this joke been fact-checked?"

Bypass Zuck and his minions and receive hilarious "unauthorized" satire to your inbox, every day.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.