BREAKING: Hillary Clinton admits servers for Iowa caucus located in Chappaqua
Genesius Times breaking news reporter, Imonit Ritenow, has uncovered stunning secret documents and satellite images. They reveal Democrat-run servers being loaded on to Amish horse-drawn carriages, so as not to draw attention, and slowly making their way from Des Moines to Hillary Clinton‘s headquarters in Chappaqua over the last several months.
So as not to draw attention to this dastardly plan, cardboard cutouts replaced the real servers throughout Iowa but nobody seemed to notice. Head of the Democrat Iowa caucus, Commie Pinkolove, “We were afraid Bernie Bros and Yang Bangers would say something but they were so high they were actually playing with the fake servers and thought they were an improvement over the old ones.”
Platte River Networks, the infamous IT firm involved in Hillary’s prior e-mail debacle in 2013 was again placed in charge of the Democrat Iowa caucus. So as not to be detected, all the Iowa servers were disguised as toaster ovens. Unfortunately, the dozens of Illegal Alien servants working in the sub-sub-basement of her Chappaqua home did not realize the servers were not actual toaster ovens. Unfortunately, they attempted making toast, which they did, but it came out tasting like Amish pretzels for some reason. The toast and servants were both put through a special ‘Clinton Shredding Process’ and haven’t been seen since.
The domain name chosen by Platte River had gone through numerous iterations before finally coming upon, “screwbernieagain.com”. When Imonit Ritenow finally chased Hillary down she explained she was running late looking for just the right pantsuit for Milwaukee where her 2020 Presidential candidacy was all but assured. She then had her Security team hurl dozens of Blackberrys at GT’s Ritenow causing bleachbit injuries throughout. Updates on Ritenow’s progress are forthcoming.
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