NEW YORK—Rapper Ye (formerly Kanye) West was pilloried by media pundits and JPMorgan Chase closed his bank account after committing the unforgivable offense of wearing a sweatshirt that read “White Lives Matter“.

But in an effort to win back his bank account, West has apparently started a child sex trafficking ring in the model of Jeffrey Epstein who never had his Chase bank account frozen even after being convicted of child sex trafficking.

“I mean, I really liked going to that bank, so I’ma try to make it work,” West said. “Whatever it takes.”

West was also considering becoming a Nazi, a political organization that JPMorgan Chase had no qualms with doing business with.

Chase CEO Jamie Diamond said in a statement that “We at Chase have an extremely high standard for who we do business with. Nazis and Jeffrey Epstein, yes. Kanye West? No way.”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

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