BEDMINSTER, NEW JERSEY – In ongoing efforts to bankrupt former President and candidate Donald Trump, deep state operatives set off a small tactical nuke miles below ground in the hope of damaging Trump National Gold course, causing the 4.7 magnitude earthquake felt throughout the northeast.

The clandestine operation, believed to be part of a broader campaign to bankrupt and discredit Trump ahead of his 2024 presidential victory, exceeded expectations. Instead of merely damaging the golf course, the detonation triggered a seismic event, causing an earthquake felt across the area. The unexpected tremors sent shockwaves through the community, leaving residents bewildered and alarmed.

“It’s like something out of a James Bond movie, but with far less competence,” remarked a bewildered onlooker, surveying the scene of the attack. “You’d think the Deep State would have better things to do than try to blow up a golf course, but then again, maybe not.”

According to sources familiar with the situation, the plan was to detonate the nuclear device miles below ground, causing enough structural damage to the golf course to necessitate costly repairs and prevent Trump from using the property as collateral for bonds that must be paid to Deep State actors masquerading as prosecutors and judges defending democracy by making sure no one can vote for Trump.

“It’s a diabolical scheme straight out of a conspiracy theorist’s fever dream,” said one expert on Deep State machinations. “But like most things involving the Deep State, it seems to have backfired spectacularly.”

Fortunately for Trump and his associates, the malfunctioning of the nuclear device spared the golf course from any significant damage, and no injuries were reported in the vicinity of the failed detonation.

“This just goes to show how desperate and delusional the deep state has become,” commented a spokesperson for the Trump Organization. “They’re resorting to wild, harebrained schemes that would be laughable if they weren’t so dangerous.”

In response to the thwarted attack, Trump himself issued a characteristically defiant statement, vowing to “bring the full force of the law down on whoever is responsible for this outrageous act of sabotage.”

“It’s clear that the deep state will stop at nothing to try to destroy me,” Trump declared. “But they will fail, as they always do. We will not be intimidated, and we will not back down. The truth will prevail.”

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