ATLANTA—Scientists are amazed by the quick development of yet another new vaccine under Project Warp Speed. The new vaccine developed by Pfizer protects against the side effects of Pfizer’s COVID-19 vaccine.

“We’re quite sure that this new vaccine is 95 percent effective at preventing the horrible and common side effects of our vaccine that prevents COVID,” Pfizer CEO Cee Lee Asseho said.

The Pfizer-BioNTech, which was endorsed by federal advisors today, is 95 percent effective at preventing COVID-19 though the shot results in side effects such as soreness, fatigue, paralysis of the face, and mild death.

“But those side effects mean that the vaccine is working!” Asseho said. “At any rate, we’re going to be producing a vaccine for the vaccine side effects anyway so you pansies who can’t handle a little Bell’s palsy will take the COVID vaccine.”

Most recipients of the new vaccine side effect vaccine are doing fine and get much less of a reaction from the COVID vaccine.

“We’re only seeing 20-30 percent rate of extreme side effects from our vaccine vaccine,” Asseho added. “People will be required to get a booster every 6 weeks to prevent the side effects from the initial vaccine.”

_{Originally published December 10, 2020}

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts