BREAKING: Pope Francis bans all ‘assault rosaries’ from Catholic homes, churches

THE VATICAN—Following the Atlantic’s article identifying the rosary as an “extremist” assault weapon, the Holy Father has moved to ban the sacramental from all Catholic homes and churches.

“Extremism of all kinds must be banished from the Earth,” Pope Francis said in his weekly address today. “There’s no need for a Christian to have such dangerous weapons of spiritual warfare.”

The Vatican has announced that 5- and 15-dacade rosaries will be completely banned but that lower-capacity “ring” rosaries will still be allowed.

There have been 427 mass rosaries in which several demons were cast out or other prayers lifted up through the intercession of Our Lady in the United States this year.

“We can’t sit by and let this spiritual massacres go on,” Pope Francis said. “We must act now!”

Several people in the audience held signs saying, “Common Sense Prayer Control Now!” and “Get your rosaries off my demons!”

As of the time of this writing, several assault rosaries were still available to purchase on Amazon.

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