WASHINGTON, DC—President Trump issued a statement saying that he won’t leave the White House next week when his term ends since there’s a ban on evictions in place by DC Mayor Muriel Bowser.

The statement has not cleared the next administration’s Ministry of Truth, but was issued directly to Genesius Times messenger pigeons.

“I fully acknowledge that Joe Biden has completed the steal and will become the next president of the United States—God help us! But I’m rather fond of the White House and I’ve decided that I’m going to continue living here indefinitely since I can’t be evicted,” Trump said.

The ban on evictions was implemented as part of the COVID relief plan and is currently being debated in court.

“It’s a really nice place. I’ll probably put a big ‘Trump’ sign above the rose garden and just make myself at home. It’s going to be much more relaxing not being president,” Trump added.

Trump had previously declared the White House an autonomous zone, but that was denied by Bowser.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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