Jeffrey Epstein voted straight party ticket in yesterday’s election

Jeffrey Epstein, who was last seen departing the coroner’s office after committing suicide while on suicide watch in a New York jail, said that he voted straight party ticket yesterday.

“I’m not going to let a little suicide prevent me from doing my civic duty,” Epstein said in an interview.

Epstein, who was a financier with many political ties in his earthly life, said that he’s taking things more seriously after death.

“We’re facing some serious crises today—from climate change to fascism in the government and I feel like we should all be voting for progressive candidates, whether we’re dead or alive.”

The deceased vote has generally tended toward Democrats, but in the off-year election of 2019, the ratio is 10 to 1 votes for Democratic candidates by dead people.


"Excuse me, has this joke been fact-checked?"

Bypass Zuck and his minions and receive hilarious "unauthorized" satire to your inbox, every day.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.