RICHMOND, VA—Governor Ralph Northam signed the most progressive sexual assault bill in the country today as Virginia legalized rapes for perpetrators who wear skirts and who identify as non-rapists.

“We must stop the hate that is infesting this land and let the people who identify as non-rapists be themselves,” Northam said at a press release after the public signing.

The new bill follows a bombshell story from the Daily Wire alleged that Loudoun County Public Schools sought to conceal the rape of a 15-year-old female student by a male student wearing a skirt in the girls’ bathroom.

“Clearly this is just a case of a young person who is expressing his true sexual nature and we need to allow that,” Northam said. “The backlash over the event and the fact that the School Board hid the story is just a shame. That School Board should be proud to have such stunning and brave activism happen in one of its schools.”

Virginia is the first state to legalize rapes for perpetrators who wear skirts.

Feminist activists have come out in support of the controversial bill.

“That little girl who was raped should feel honored to be raped by such a brave LGBTQ+ representative,” former child actor and abortion-supporter Alyssa Milano said. “It’s almost as great as being sexually assaulted by President Biden.”

The Virginia bill follows a California bill that legalizes rapes that last under one minute.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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