In a shocking turn of events Chik-fil-A has given into pressure-groups and will stop serving delicious chicken with a smile. They will instead slaughter their beloved Chik-fil-A cows and serve them as hamburgers with a growl.

“We had to look at the facts. Despite tremendous growth, there are certain people who hate delicious chicken served with a smile,” Chick-fil-A President and Chief Operating Officer Tim Tassopoulos said in an exclusive interview with Genesius Times. “People were protesting and wouldn’t accept a chain in their city or airport until we lowered our standards.”

Many die-hard Chik-fil-A fans were stunned by the decision and left wondering what they were to do with all of their cow gear from the annual cow appreciation day.

The decision coincides with a move to stop donating to religious groups who support traditional marriage such as the Salvation Army.

“We basically just want to make more money and the only way we can do that is to sell out who we are,” Tassopoulos said.

It’s not clear if this decision had anything to do with US Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez‘s call to kill all the cows to combat greenhouse gases in the Green New Deal.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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