WASHINGTON, DC—Congress passed a law today requiring that all future bills be at least 10,000 pages long.

“We want all bills to be as long as possible so people never know about all the pork we stuff into these bills,” Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said.

“People are starting to catch on to our monstrous COVID-relief bill which has nothing to do with COVID-relief, and that’s only 800 pages long. I think the best way to keep them out of the loop is to require all bills to be at least 10,000 pages long.”

President Joe Biden reportedly wasn’t a fan of the move. “I can’t even read one page of these bills, how will I ever read 10,000 pages? C’mon man!,” he muttered to himself.

Congress later included a provision in the bill requiring all bills to be translated into Chinese so they can get the seal of approval from the Communist Party of China.

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Rafi Metz

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