COVID-19 cases, hospitalizations, and deaths are all way down. Data are coming in from all across the country that show the COVID is not nearly as deadly as previously thought. Still, Democratic governors are are maintaining their iron grip on their state-wide house arrest orders.

“I have to be quite honest with you,” New York Governor Andrew Cuomo said, “this lockdown may very well last until we get a Democratic president. If Biden can somehow pull it out of a hat in November, we will open the economy back up.”

Louisiana Governor John Bel Edwards agreed that was the best plan. “We cannot risk losing any more elections,” he said in his daily press conference. “We need to maximize the economic pain until we’re sure Donald Trump will lose. It’s that simple.”

National Democratic leaders have started a campaign to make mail-in ballots mandatory to ensure Biden wins the election.

“We’re trying very hard to get the country opened back up,” Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said in a Skype interview between bites of icecream. “But it’s going to take some sort of guarantee that Trump won’t be reelected before we let people enjoy their rights as American citizens again.”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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