Fauci unilaterally changes the national anthem to ‘Don’t stand so close to me’ by The Police

Dr. Fauci has so many great ideas it’s no wonder everyone calls him a genius, brainiac, superhuman phenom. It must be hard to be right 100% of the time. Even Rush is only right 99.8% of the time. Maybe he can take Fauci lessons? At a proper distance of course.

It appears the great Dr. Fauci has never been partial to our National Anthem. First of all, if you’re out seeing Dawn’s Early Light you are obviously not staying home. He recommends people should be summarily arrested, incarcerated without bail, tried by a group of Fauci’s peers, found guilty, and since ‘youse people’ like to be out at dawn’s early light, well, we can get a squad up pretty early since firing squads are looking for work too.

At the end of the last stanza of our National Anthem (there are four in total) is the phrase, “In God We Trust”. Well, that didn’t sit well with Dr. Dolittle as his preference would be to exclusively trust him. After all, who ‘ya gonna’ call when there’s something strange in the neighborhood? Jesus? Ghostbusters? Nope! CDC.

Dr. F is coming up with even better ideas these days. His most recent? Let’s dump the entire National Anthem and simply replace it with “Don’t Stand So Close To Me” by The Police, circa 1981. And who doesn’t love Sting? Come on.

“Play ball!”