BREAKING: Dems and Reps come together to ensure Americans will always have catastrophic debt

WASHINGTON – In an era of extreme polarization, many were happy to hear that Democrats and Republicans have finally come together in an unprecedented bipartisan effort to ensure that the federal government will never be debt-free.

“It’s amazing to see such opposing ideologues come together in a strong show of unity for the cause of forcing each and every American to be saddled with unconscionable debt,” House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said.

The new plan is one of a kind in scope and bipartisanship—99 percent of both the House and Senate approved the plan.

“No American deserves to endure the horrors of being debt-free,” Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said. “And that’s why we have decided to overcome our partisan differences and give the gift of massive, uncontrolled debt to the American people.”

“We’ve already surpassed our GDP in total debt and our unfunded liability is more than the GDP of the entire world, but we wanted to make sure that every American and all of their offspring could enjoy in this boondoggle. This is what America is all about!”

The bill comes at a point of extreme tension about the border wall and immigration.

“We want to ensure that everyone in the World can be saddled with catastrophic debt, not just people who were born here,” Pelosi added.

“Sure, we have our differences,” Senator Chuck Schumer said. “The important thing is that we come together when it’s most necessary and ensure we spend beyond our means in perpetuity.”

“This is one small step for man; one giant dung pile for mankind.”

Originally published February 15, 2019


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