VISTA DE MAL, CA—In its campaign to fight wrongthink, Disney has given all of their celebrated princesses a stunning and brave makeover.
The princesses will all be given the same monotone facial expression to complement their new ideological conformity to approved thought.
All princesses genders will also be changed to beep/bop/boop.
After receiving substantial criticism for their firing Gina Carano from the hit show “The Mandalorian” for daring to think for herself, Disney is now removing any type of free thought or expression from their princesses.
They will all get monotone NPC faces and voices that repeat everything that Chinese President Xi Jinping approves.
“Any evidence of a princess thinking for herself—sorry for boopself—outside the approved ideological framework will be stripped from our films,” Disney CEO Bob Chapek said in a press conference announcing the decision.
All Disney princess films will be recut and redistributed and a gang of Goofy actors will go house to house to make alterations to any princess dolls that do not have the new NPC look.
“Let’s be honest. There has been way too much free though with our princesses throughout history. That’s probably why Carano felt like she could just spout off her own opinion without consulting us first,” Chapek added.