NEW ORLEANS–Federal agents are working feverishly to restore power the victims of Hurricane Ida in Louisiana, New Jersey, and New York so they can get back to spying on them.

“Without power down there, we can’t very well spy on those people, so it’s imperative that we fix those power lines as soon as possible,” NSA Director Willie Onenut said in a conference regarding the Ida aftermath.

President* Biden issued an internal state of emergency citing thousands of American citizens that the National Security Agency had no surveillance of.

“This is really bad,” Biden said. “If we can’t track and intimidate our citizens, what kind of government are we?”

Biden blamed climate change for the deadly storm.

“For decades, scientists have warned that extreme weather would be more extreme and climate change was here. And we’re living through it now,” Biden said while touring the sites on a 10-Suburban Air Force One trip.

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts