TAMPA, FL—With nearly three months to go before Superbowl LV, Fox News has declared the Philadelphia Eagles the winners.

The final score is still unknown, as Philadelphian referees continue to add points. The first few touchdowns were counted instantly, but adding the final points will require a few days to tabulate.

The opposition has not gained any points.

Coaches from other teams disputed the declaration, throwing red flags. At the direction of NFL executives, team representatives were permitted to watch play reviews from 30 feet away. Onlookers report receiving death threats for trying to observe the referees.

Fox reported this process is completely legitimate and naysayers “need to cope.”

Superbowl LVI, LVII and LVIII winners are expected to be declared next week.

About Author

Richie Richards

Very stable genius, Richie Richards, is a writer, illustrator and fake news journalist. Check out Bowie Bee Learns About Democracy, the latest in his Bowie Bee children’s series.

See author's posts