Get a lobotomy and other ways you can celebrate the 1st anniversary of ’15 Days to Flatten the Curve’


US—It’s been one whole year since our health experts told us we would only need to lockdown society and ruin the economy to stop the spread of the dreaded coronapocalypse. Since then, the virus has done exactly the opposite of what the experts have warned and fought against, spiking despite all the governmental measures enacted to stop it.

Oh welp! Let’s keep doing ridiculous stuff that has no basis in science or reality in order to feel like we’re doing something positive!

Here are several ways you and your loved ones can celebrate the first anniversary of “15 Days to Flatten the Curve”!

1. Get a frontal lobotomy.

Nothing says “trust the science” like removing part of your brain at the hand of a mad doctor! This is a fun activity you can do with your kids!

2. Have a mask stacking competition.

Who can stack the most useless masks on top of each other? I can get 25 useless masks over my mouth and nose. Am I still breathing? Who cares!

3. Bury your head in the sand.

Some birds like to do this because they feel protected. This is a great way to ignore actual scientific data and pretend like you’re doing something proactive.

4. Inject experimental vaccines up your ass.

Yes, it’s true that the COVID vaccines don’t prevent you from getting the disease and only prevent you from showing symptoms and there aren’t any longterm safety data for a rushed medical product in which the manufacturers have no liability, but don’t let that bother you. Fauci says you need the useless vaccine—twice, so you better do it! Bonus points if you inject is up your ass!

5. Have a BBQ for yourself in your basement.

We all know that everyone’s going to need to get the useless vaccine in order to have a BBQ with two friends on the Fourth of July, but why wait? You can have a BBQ by yourself inside your own house!

6. Scream at people who don’t follow the dictates of people who have been consistently wrong.

If you know people who haven’t followed everything the Dr. Fauci and company say even if it contradicts what they said a few weeks before, you should scream at them! Screaming at people who choose not to vaccinate or wear a mask is best if you wear your “My Body My Choice” shirt.


"Excuse me, has this joke been fact-checked?"

Bypass Zuck and his minions and receive hilarious "unauthorized" satire to your inbox, every day.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.