After thoughtful consideration, the climate change movement, dedicated to preventing a global catastrophe at any cost, has named Hannibal Lecter as their spokesperson.

“We really thought that Lecter completely embodies the fight against climate change, especially the more aggressive branches that are promoting eating babies to fight carbon output,” Climate Striker CEO Billy Littlejohn said.

Greta Thunberg, founder of the Climate Strike, thought the idea was great and when questioned about the decision, she simply repeated, “How dare you? How dare you?”

Lecter gave a statement following the announcement saying that he looks forward to helping the cause immediately and has stocked up on cans of fava beans.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

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