Hillary Clinton selects Hillary Clinton as everyone’s running mate
Every Democratic nominee is dropping in the polls against Trump faster than a buttered bullet. Their campaign teams have been brainstorming 24/7 to avoid getting sucked into a black hole of political irrelevance. Unfortunately, Joe Biden has been unable to participate in these sessions as he’s been out choosing a nursing home and sniffing the hair of its residents. The rest of the campaigns are flailing and failing. But eventually, several campaigns came up with a few VP candidates that should help their candidacy and clinch the nomination.
Let’s take a look at Uncle Joe first and who may fit the bill.
Mike Bloomberg for VP was first. Joe made a personal call to the Bloomster saying the VP spot was for sale for the low low price of two billion dollars, on sale from three billion as a President’s Day special. The idea came directly from Rod Blagojevich, a close personal friend and legal advisor. Of course Bloomberg accepted immediately and sent over the cash in untraceable singles. As luck would have it enough 737 Max’s were available to carry the cash but only a few actually made it. The FCC has thus far refused to investigate after receiving a call from Uncle Joe. As the planes all went nose down and crashed in massive fireballs the offer was withdrawn.
Several candidates wanted Pocahontas, Elizabeth Warren for VP. This was a bold move to lock in the Native American vote which was considered by some to be the only voting block needed to guarantee a win at the convention. A few problems did crop up. Primarily, as noted in this journal, Warren, because of her Cherokee heritage is only allowed to run for commander in Chief, so that was out. Plus the feathered war bonnet was always catching fire under the hot lights. Warren? Out.
Then came the news from Hillary Clinton herself. She was going to be everyone’s running mate, regardless of who was running. Let’s face it, she would be de facto President on day one. And Uncle Joe? They could build a memory care facility for Joe in the Executive Residence, trot him our for photo ops, provide him with enough interns with freshly shampooed hair to sniff, and put Nickelodeon on every channel. Joe’s response? “This is a big F’ing deal. I’m in”!
The rest of the candidates are in the process of wooing HRC. Just today Bloomberg offered her the VP spot. Our man in Chappaqua has just observed several semis loaded with BleachBit were unloading. This is a developing story.
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