Hospitals making up for lost revenue by adding bed-side slot machines

President Trump, just yesterday, asked his Cabinet to ‘think out of the box’ on healthcare. Secretary of Casinos, Professor Hold M. Foldum from Fleesum University has been thinking about this. Having one arm and a checkered past made him the ideal candidate.

Some of his less popular ideas? “Hospidellos”, where hospitalized patients were offered sex workers. It started off with a ‘bang’ but the system was overwhelmed by STD superbugs. Lingerie models are now under consideration along with the CDC Porn Channel and Fauci After Dark.

How about “Hospimats”? People bring their dirty laundry to hospital laundry facilities where they can visit loved ones, learn a second language waiting outside the laundry room, and remove biohazardous waste from their underwear.

And “Hospiraunts”? Hospital food; amazing, right? But now Gordon Ramsey and Wolfgang Puck will be opening dozens of gourmet restaurants located right inside microbiology labs in case you want to analyze your food so you know what you died from.

And finally? “Hospisinos”! As we speak, Caesar’s Palace and HCA are placing slot machines next to every hospital bed in America and replacing nurses with dealers and cocktail waitresses. One thing’s for sure, “This is gonna be a ” big F’in deal”.