This morning, on the NBC Nightly News, Joe Biden finally ended his exhaustive search for a VP candidate. All those months in his basement running around in his undies and honing his hair inhalation techniques seem to have paid off.

Initially, he was giving strong consideration to Stacy Abrams but she was just getting involved in her 2021 Olympic bid and just didn’t have enough time to devote to the campaign. His loss.

Kim Jong Un was up for grabs as well, since Joe was looking for a brain-dead candidate to make Joe appear on top of his game. Unfortunately, Kim showed up this morning and appeared less brain-dead than anticipated and so Joe’s dreams were dashed once again.

Volodymyr Zelensky was offered the job as well along with his own Late Night With Volodymyr gig. Since he is a comedian by trade, Court Jester was also on the table, but Burisma offered him more money so no go Joe.

The obvious pick was Hillary Clinton, but Biden, thoughtfully was afraid he would be suicided the night after the election if he picked her.

Biden also considered his son Hunter for his running mate but rejected the idea because of the obvious nepotism.

Finally, with the clarity that comes only from hair-smelling fantasies and self-groping in isolation, comes brilliance. Biden picked himself as his running mate. As Joe explained, “Hey, Come on Man, everybody likes BOGO’s”! Actually, we’re not even sure that’s illegal. Dumb? Ya.

In a rambling interview with Genesius Times, Biden lauded Biden for all his accomplishments. “You know, that guy Joe Biden is a really nice fella. And he was already vice president once before under Martin Luther King Jr. so he has the gravitas. I think he’ll be great under my presidency.”

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