TEHRAN, IRAN—Iranian President Hassan Rouhani announced today via Twitter that the Iranian government has hired John Kerry as its new propaganda minister.

Reports indicate that the government in Tehran has been extremely impressed with Kerry’s relentless efforts to vilify and undermine Israel in any conceivable way, as well as how he expertly regurgitates anti-Semitic talking-points with such ease and efficiency.

“I’ve honestly never seen someone who’s so efficient at spewing anti-Israel propaganda as John Kerry,” Iran’s Foreign Minister Javad Zarif said. “We appreciate everything he’s done for us. Especially for the part about undermining America and Israel at every turn. Honestly, we couldn’t have done it without him. We wish him success in his new position.”

Experts predict that Kerry will excel at his job as Iran’s new propaganda minister, considering his 40 years of experience committing treason against the United States, and undermining the only Jewish state on the planet.

Realizing the old propaganda team will no longer be needed, Iran’s Supreme Leader fired them from their jobs. He then sent their résumés to the New York Times so they could find employment elsewhere.

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Rafi Metz

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