WASHINGTON, DC—In a press conference yesterday, Joe Biden discussed his religious beliefs and how they’ve impacted his life.

“I’m one of the most Catholic people out there,” Biden told the media.

“Christianity has been the cornerstone of my faith for my entire life. In fact, I’m so committed to my religious beliefs that I’m willing to sacrifice thousands of unborn babies for it each year, if that’s what it takes to keep the constant cash flow from Planned Parenthood into the coffers of the Democratic Party. And anyone who disagrees with me isn’t a true Christian.”

Following his remarks, the Pope invited Biden to head the Child Sacrifice division of the Catholic Church in Rome.

“It’s okay that Biden sacrifices children,” Pope Francis said in an off-the-cuff interview, “because he can just raise them from the dead like he did for all his voters on election day.“

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Rafi Metz

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