Presummed Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden is heartbroken that he didn’t get any trick-or-treaters at his house yesterday, Easter Sunday during the coronavirus pandemic.

“I stood in line for 6 hours at the grocery story with a jumbo bag of candy for the kids,” Biden lamented about the sad lack of turnout. “I even wet my leg hairs so that they’d stand up for the kids. I just don’t understand it.”

Trick-or-treating is a popular activity during Halloween in most countries. It’s unclear whether the 103-year-old Biden understands the difference.

“I look forward to trick-or-treaters every year. I dress up in a big fluffy costume and have the kids sit on my lap. I love when kids sit on my lap and I still do,” Biden said, holding back tears.

Biden is the last man standing from a field of 7,428 candidates in the Democratic field after second place Bernie Sanders accepted another vacation home to drop out of the race.

About Author

Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

See author's posts