WASHINGTON, DC—After acknowledging the difficulty in constantly gaslighting the American public about everything from the economy to the war in Ukraine, the White House Press Secretary has been replaced by a literal gaslight.

Former Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said that she thinks the new secretary will be better suited to carrying out the blatant lying and making the American people think that they’re wrong.

The new gaslight press secretary will have a prerecorded statement saying, “Everything is fine. Prices aren’t skyrocketing. This isn’t recession. Dementia is healthy. That’s a conspiracy theory. War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Men are women. What are you crazy?”

Following the installation of the gaslight press secretary, President* Joe Biden said that he didn’t know what everyone was talking about. “Gaslighting isn’t even real. You all must be nuts to believe our new press secretary is a gaslight.”

In addition, Wikipedia has changed the definition of gaslighting from “A form of intimidation or psychological abuse, sometimes called Ambient Abuse where false information is presented to the victim, making them doubt their own memory, perception and quite often, their sanity” to “a perfectly suitable candidate for White House Press Secretary.”

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