A local woman who wished to go by the name Karen only narrowly avoided giving herself COVID-19 while driving alone in the country today. She has tester herself three times since her trip and the results have been negative each time.
“This is a very deadly virus. I’m not leaving anything to chance,” Karen said while spraying her house with a combination disinfectant and DDT. “People are dying and I’m not going to be one of those statistics.”
Karen has been wiping her house down with disinfectant since the TV told her to months ago as well as inhaling Clorox daily. “I trust everything Dr. Fauci says, except when he says something’s not necessary or harmful. I do that anyway.”
Karen also made sure to yell at people in nearby cars where drivers weren’t wearing full PPE.
“I can’t stand it when other people aren’t as paranoid as I am. It’s absolutely nuts. I hope they all die!”
Karen makes sure that she and all of her 11 cats are tested for COVID weekly and so far so good.