Looney Tunes to eliminate guns and replace them with much more dangerous hammers and sickles

Let’s face it. Just about every single cartoon in the ’60s thru ’90s had someone or something blown up. The good news is nobody was ever injured or killed. Never. And what’s more, it was funny because of exactly that. The irony of people and things being shot or blown up with nothing seemingly happening to them just about always produced smiles or giggles in kids. Were the kids in any way traumatized? Of course not.

Enter the era of wokeness and the Internet. Now we have mass shootings almost daily, social isolation, suicides among our Millennials reaching epidemic proportions in spite of the fact that the cartoons have been sterilized. The cartoon violence of the past has been replaced by real violence on our streets.

Enter Warner Bros, the owner of Looney Tunes, which is actually owned now by AT&T. “It’s the guns our kids are seeing in our cartoons that is the real cause of the violence seen in our schools and in our classrooms. It has nothing to do with the home environments, parenting skills, or any of that. No! It’s all the double barrel shotguns in the hands of evil men such as Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam. And what about the explosions and dynamite? Is there any doubt that the Tsarnaev Brothers were schooled by the likes of the road runner in our cartoons? And Wile E. Coyote somehow surviving all the time must have given these poor immigrants the idea that bombs inside pressure cookers wouldn’t actually hurt anyone.”

“So it is with a full-throated apology to past generations of irreparably damaged youth that we remove any explosive materials, cannons, guns, bullets, anvils, cliffs, or anything dangerous or even seemingly dangerous. We need to be smart about this and after consulting Hollywood and the Mainstream Media, we will be featuring a ‘kinder gentler’ and much more dangerous arsenal of hammers and sickles, the symbols of communism.

“We will provide an endless supply of hammers and sickles, aka machetes, to every cartoon character after we have added gratuitous gay sex to each episode. We are unaware of any symbolism of the hammer and sickle at this time and were assured by Hollywood and the MSM they were equally unaware, though many we interviewed had on T-Shirts displaying a red hammer and sickle logo. Just a coincidence we suppose.”