Michael Bloomberg to start growth hormone treatments

It’s true. Michael Bloomberg is surging, however, not in height. X-rays of his growth plates find they fused 107 years ago, and a growth spurt is not anticipated any time soon.

His recent request for a box to stand on during debates has been met with a cool response from some and jeers from others. “Equality and Social Justice demand every candidate has a box,” so he lost that fight in about two seconds. Sometimes the Left just can’t help themselves.

Flummoxed by the limited opportunities for a short, nasty lookin’ old Jewish White guy to make a better appearance, a last-ditch opportunity presented itself by a suggestion from his personal physician, Dr. Ullysses S. Quackmaker. The solution? Massive doses of Growth Hormone to begin immediately. Dr. Quackmaker explained that his prior patients include the Jolly Green Giant, Herman Munster, James Comey, Bill DeBlasio, and the entire NBA.

Dr. Quackmaker did carefully explain some of the anticipated unwanted side-effects. Initially, Bloomberg will embrace Radical Islam and have an overwhelming desire to start a Holocaust. Since these are already on the Democrat platform…….

Next, he may begin speaking Spanish exclusively. That’s kinda what the Dems are looking for anyway. Good to go.

There will also be an overwhelming desire to recklessly spend billions of dollars on thoroughly unobtainable goals which make most people believe the treatments have already started.

And finally, paranoia may set in making him travel around the country in a Sherman tank emulating Micheal Dukakis. An entourage of 500 security guards sporting AR-15’s and bazookas will also be on display as he discusses gun control confiscation tactics. In addition, this form of paranoia may be associated with ‘Delusions of Adequacy’ warns Dr. Q. Nah. Probably not.