Nancy Pelosi releases series of workout tapes ‘Ripped’

Kept under wraps for months, our Genesius Times sports journalism department uncovers what Nancy Pelosi has been up to for some time now. Her act of ripping up the SOTU was her way of introducing the opening of her new exercise videos and gym entitled Ripped.

Pelosi’s gyms will focus on the exercises that have been all too often ignored, primarily ripping phone books and other effete documents.

During the first few weeks, members will focus on the US Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Advanced members will more likely start by ripping up The Federalist Papers.

As months progress her fitness program will rip up the documents signed by Mexico ceding Texas to the US, The Lousiana Purchase and the Killing series by Bill O’Reilly.

The excitement generated by the ripping of the SOTU has also prompted Pelosi to release her series of workout tapes. The first one focusing on ripping up all the paperwork eliminating burdensome Federal Regulation. The second on ripping up ‘Triggered’ by Don Jr. and the third tape focusing exclusively on every Executive Order signed by President Trump.

The crowds gathering outside her new gym were composed entirely of Millennial Bernie Bros who began rioting, setting the gym ablaze after learning there will be a monthly fee and no safe spaces. Unfortunately, due to the eroding tax base, the Fire Dept. was unable to respond. More news as the story develops.


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