Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign 
BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions 
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies 
CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine 
This Day In Mostly-Peaceful History: President Kennedy Goes Scenic Ride through Dallas 
BREAKING: Joe Biden Has Been Using Common Core This Entire Time To Calculate How Many Grandchildren He Has
Joe Biden talks about his six grandchildren very often and how much he loves each one of them. The only...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: No one wants to talk to Budget Fidel at the NATO cocktail party
Vilnius, Lithuania—It seems that nobody wanted to engage in conversation with the infamous "Budget Fidel" aka the "Welfare Warmonger" aka...
8 Famous Quotes From President Biden
President Joseph R. Biden has this uncanny ability as a master orator to communicate with the public in ways other...
Mystery Solved: Coke Found In White House Turns Out To Just Be A Bottle Of Diet Coke
Subsequent testing confirmed that coke discovered by the Secret Service at the White House was actually a bottle of diet...
TX Gov Abbott installs marine barriers along the southern border to halt the catastrophic effects of climate change
In an unexpected move to combat the effects of climate change, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has unveiled a groundbreaking plan:...
Democrats Conduct Investigation To See If Constitution Played A Role In Recent Supreme Court Decisions
Senate Democrats have launched an investigation to determine if the Constitution played any role in a string of recent Supreme...
CNN: It’s illegal to view Hunter Biden committing felonies
(CNN) It has been discovered that the act of witnessing Hunter Biden committing felonies is now deemed illegal. As if...
EXCLUSIVE: Security tapes show AOC doing lines of cocaine in White House library
WASHINGTON, DC—Genesius Times have obtained security video tapes from the White House showing that the alleged cocaine left in the...
Biden tweets ‘The Cost of a 4th of July Cocaine Hit is Down $0.16 from Last Year’
WASHINGTON, DC—Giving new meaning to the term White House, President* Joe Biden recently took to Twitter to share a rather...
BREAKING: Biden outlaws reading the Declaration of Independence on 4th of July
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has issued an executive order outlawing the reading of the Declaration of Independence on the 4th...
