WASHINGTON, DC—Everyone knows that Joe Biden has been in office since the end of the Civil War, and you’d think a person with that much experience would be somewhat prepared to be the nation’s next chief executive. That being said, it came as a total surprise when Biden was spotted reading The Presidency for Dummies, a book that explains the executive branch of the federal government and what it’s like being president in very simple terms so that even the densest among us can understand it.

Kate Bedingfield, Biden’s campaign spokesperson, strongly dismissed any concerns about Biden’s reading material. “Joe Biden has a lot of experience in government and of course he knows what he’s doing,” she said in a statement. “Biden enjoys a wide array of books and this is just one of them. He’s also read The Wizard of Oz but nobody’s ever accused him of being a witch or a wizard. So it’s important that we put things into perspective.”

President Trump reacted to the news on Twitter stating, “I always knew Sleepy Joe wasn’t fit for the job. He wants to be president but he obviously knows nothing about being president. Soon he’ll be reading Alzheimer’s for Dummies but he’ll forget the entire book by the time he finishes reading it. Sad!”

Biden himself clarified later in a statement that, “I read the book so that all of you chumps, damn liars and dog-faced pony soldiers can understand what it’s like to be president. OK?”

Members of the transition team almost went into apocalyptic shock just a few days later when they caught Biden reading Stealing an Election for Dummies.

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Rafi Metz

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