Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi dusted of her never-used Catholic card and presented it at a press conference regarding the forthcoming articles of impeachment after a reporter asked her if she hated the president.

Pelosi pulled out a vintage, dusty Catholic card and showed it to everyone, saying, “I’m a Catholic and we don’t hate.”

Pelosi’s Catholic card has been verified as legitimate but there is no evidence that Pelosi has ever used the card, and she clearly forgot it every time that she voted for federal funding of killing innocent human babies.

“As a Catholic, I resent you using the word ‘hate’ in a sentence that addresses me,” she added. “I don’t hate anyone. I was raised in a way that is a heart full of love and always pray for the president. And I still pray for the president. I pray for the president all the time. So don’t mess with me when it comes to words like that.” 

After leaving the conference, Pelosi dropped her Catholic card on the floor as she walked over to vote to imprison Catholic nuns who don’t pay for contraceptives for their employees.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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