Realtors in NYC begin selling ventilator time-shares


It does appear that there are a few truly blazing hot spots where COVID-19 is thriving. Elmhurst Queens, Downtown New Orleans, Detroit, and a few others. But looking at the overall US map, there are tons of warm spots, lukewarm spots, and non-spots.

The ‘experts’ claim we ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Two weeks from today, we will be Wuhan x 100, Spain x 1000 and Italy x infinity. Contagion (2011) by Warner Bros. was just the warm-up act. If you haven’t seen it, don’t. It’ll scare the crap out of you. But the acting ain’t bad.

Should one venture out on the Internet one can see that most ERs in this country are pretty empty. Why? Because only those cities where citizens were encouraged to ignore the virus early on and encouraged to go out and party have very active ERs. The rest, not so much.

When you isolate people, evaporate their 401ks, and shelter them in place, what the hell are they gonna do? Embroidery? Take up cribbage? Learn to play the violin?

Maybe, but know whose open right now and ready to meet your every need? Real estate brokers. So when you’re out there scrounging around for that last used toilet paper roll don’t forget realtors have everything you need to weather this thing. And should you get Covid-19 while waiting for your Ventilator Time-Share? Try your local Liquor Store. They’ve got plenty of inventory too. Hic. Scuzeme. Burp. Sorry.


"Excuse me, has this joke been fact-checked?"

Bypass Zuck and his minions and receive hilarious "unauthorized" satire to your inbox, every day.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.