After being criticized for not doing much to solve his districts horrible, rat-infested slums, US Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-MD) has struck back by using a $4 billion federal grant for the Baltimore improvement grant to publish an ingenious new book: “How to Cook Mice and Rats: Traditional Recipes from Around the World”.

“This amazing publication will be like killing two birds with one stone,” Cummings said. “Helping residents deal with the Bubonic plague-ridden rodents and horrible living conditions as well as feeding people with free food!”

The book deal follows a feud between Cummings and President Trump.

“No human being would want to live there,” President Trump said of Baltimore on Twitter. Baltimore is a “disgusting, rat and rodent infested mess”.

This book will surely solve that problem!

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Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

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