NEPAL—The United States Secret Service announced today that they have added a Nepali Sherpa named Norbu to the President’s security detail. Norbu will be tasked with carrying the president up and down stairs after Biden nearly died on the stairs to Air Force One last week.

“We have seen a steep rise, er, no pun intended, in staircase-related threats to the president in recent days,” a Secret Service spokesman said. “This new hire will allow the Secret Service to continue providing exceptional protection and security to the president.”

The spokesman said Norbu will carry President Biden piggyback style whenever he is faced with a small rise of 2 to 5 stairs. For larger inclines, the president will be secured in a modified baby harness capable of supporting a fully-grown adult.

Norbu is no stranger to perilous climbs, having successfully summited Mount Everest with at least 27 different tour groups. Many of those climbs were made with hundreds of pounds of gear on his back, as well as with at least one unconscious tourist in his arms, preparing him nicely for President Biden.

In addition to carrying the president, Norbu will carry a pack filled with supplemental oxygen for the commander-in-chief. Norbu said that he is looking forward to the change of pace that his new job will provide. “Your president is so small and frail, it will be very comfortable for me to carry him,” he said. “No problem!”   

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Brady Thomas

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