Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have discovered a troubling correlation between CVS receipts and the ongoing deforestation of the planet.

“We wanted to see if the ridiculously long CVS receipts had a direct relationship with the tree population of North America,” researcher assistant Bernie Wingut said. “Our findings shocked us to the core.”

Three trees die every time a CVS receipt is printed.

“Celebrities and politicians like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez are harping on about cow farts and trains to Hawaii, but the real problem is CVS receipts,” Wingut continued.

Representatives for CVS have not responded. Apparently the headquarters has been buried under a mountain of decaying receipts.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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