STUDY: 66% of rioters are zombies previously killed by COVID-19

This coronavirus does things to people nobody could have possibly predicted. We already know it makes you smell funny and have no taste whatsoever. Just look at how these people are dressed. No style, disheveled, xenophobic, homophobic, islamophobic, you name it……oh wait, sorry, wrong list.

It appears some people who are infected with COVID-19 walk around looting with their arms outstretched. Don’t they understand you can’t steal stuff like that? Others carry around vials of their infected blood to demonstrate the virus is making them do it. Maybe the rioters go around with outstretched arms to measure artwork they just stole. I mean it has to fit in the homes they just burned down. Come on man.

Recent autopsy studies show the brains of infected rioters create massive holes in their skulls. As the picture above shows, they have to cover their heads to prevent rain from getting inside. Some have even been forced to wear octopuses on top of their heads as you can plainly see. Apparently, octopuses can hold stuff that they just stole so they can steal even more. Who knew?

Now we know exactly why these zombies are burning everything down. Heat kills Covid-19. Brilliant. Why just today, police have been equipped with brain-destroying weapons from the Walking Dead and have been viewing re-runs. However, there is a silver lining, Gretchen Whitmer has not been seen for the last 24 hours. Run, Gretchen, Run.